First Time Sharing
It’s taken me until now to actually share on AskLove. As I write that I feel a little bit of heat, some embarrassment and shame that I “wasn’t doing my homework” by not sharing earlier, and some tension knowing that my growth is what was hurt by not sharing.
As I feel into posting this I feel some constriction in my chest around my heart. I feel an aversion to attention. I tend to avoid attention, especially with something so personal. I feel a lot of tension around my upper chest and throat, and a mild feeling of dread at the thought of people reading or responding to my post.
As I sit with the sensation I can feel a feeling of vulnerability arising, something new in comparison to the constriction. Making way for an opening. I feel the mental resistance, of thinking how cheesy this feels, of wanting to stay closed. The vulnerability feels like a small tickle of opening around my heart.
When I drop into it I feel this truth, full expression of my truth and then voices of judgement are also present and then in the distance almost like looking at myself from Above I can see that I did it! I can see the post And a clear voice comes and says you did it!!!! You expressed yourself ❤️ It was difficult and really vulnerable and I did it ☀️
Remembering how awkward & vulnerable I felt they first few times I shared on ASKLOVE creates a sense of shoulder muscle constriction and pressure in my head. I don’t like the cold I feel in my Heart Space at the thought of making myself feel exposed & vulnerable. Then, as I recall the warmth and peace I feel when I reflect on how connected I felt to my Heart Fluency community even in the time of isolation I was in while beloved Mama was in the death and transition phase during the class, my breath comes more easily.. I felt lifted up and supported by new friends and the deep ache in my heart space softened with the waves of grief. Then, peace & ease feel like a huge release with completely relaxed shoulders. I find myself sitting in gratitude I had to make myself vulnerable on this safe ASKLOVE forum.