Heart ache – coping with loosing a loved one.
After being back from silence I have been experiencing major heart opening and deep being. Friday night my partner and I started a separation process. Or might just say we ended things.
Saturday morning we allowed each other to tenderly say goodbye to one another, crying together and feeling all the attachment that we have towards one another.
When I arrived home tears started coming, today I have been crying all morning tenderly for the loss of my partner, experiencing the love we had, the sadness of not being together and anger because it feels like we gave up.
This is not something that has been a long time coming this is something that happened all of a sudden. I have felt such deep love towards him and it seems as he has been trying to feel the same way and waiting for the love feeling to come, yet it was not there for me.
I feel like I was in love alone.
I am allowing myself to cry and feel these deep tears yet also questioning how much am I identifying with this pain?
I am feeling a bit calmer now after my sister’s boyfriend said to me, why are you suffering so much and I stopped and thought this just happened yesterday. I need to cry. I need to feel his pain, I need to look over my pictures and question why did this happen.
I felt many impulses this morning to message him and question why he had given up, why is it that me being spiritual is intimidating and we can’t be together because of this?
I stopped at every moment and did not engage with my erratic mind, which wanted to share this pain with everyone. That wants to yell out to the world how painful it is to be in this feeling.
As I read your story, I feel a warmth and tenderness in my heart. I feel love and warmth and the eyes of my heart smile upon you kindly, as I read about the love in your heart. I feel how even when it is being expressed as sadness, that is love too, moving through you. I feel kindness and a desire for you to be well but most of all to know the love of your own heart.
Initially, I feel a wave of hot and a protective sense of anger that he can’t see the amazing Love that you ARE. I drop in and feel the heat subside and my heart space expand as I am reminded, he is simply not “the One” for her. He cant truly See your magnificence and I feel compassion as he may just simply be too frightened to fully embrace you in your beautiful unfolding. Luminescent ,glowing & pulsing warmth emanates from my heart towards yours. My arms vibrate as I energetically wrap them around you in a giant, oxytocin releasing hug.
I feel such a sinking in my solar plexus as I read your words. The familiarity of heartbreak, even if the circumstances are different. The nauseous sickness of loss, asking why things have to be this way. Tightness in my throat and jaw and a pulling at my gut with the word “attachment.” So much love for the tender, painful experience you’re going through… I wish I could make things easier. Energetically sending you a hug. <3