How do I forgive the driver of my motor vehicle accident?
How do I forgive the driver of my vehicle, who caused a painful accident, and then lashed out at me shortly afterwards on many levels, which had nothing to do with me? Rather, it seems to me that his outburst had to do with his own guilt around the accident, as well as his conditioning from coming from a patriarchal culture; growing up in a segregated South African society; along with the status of being a Christian priest (who is in the closet). I see him around and we don’t speak, and just walk past each other when our paths very occasionally cross. It’s sad, and I can clearly see he is fearful, and a tortured soul. I can have compassion for him, but not enough to approach him and suggest we sit down and talk about what happened. Simply because he blasted me when I was still bed-ridden and in pain just after the accident through an e-mail, and avoided me thereafter. I feel I don’t have the energy nor interest in initiating a conversation to perhaps foster healing. Though if he did, I would meet him and sit and listen. However I think he’s in place where he feels he did nothing wrong, and can’t get past his pride.
This is a really tough situation, and I truly feel for you. I hope you are receiving support and giving it to yourself through self compassion and the recognition that this is not an easy energetic load. And I hope any injuries have fully healed. Blessings to you.
First off, I don’t think it is your responsibility to heal this person. I would offer that the wise commitment is to yourself. and your well-being. You don’t want to be carrying a toxic burden. One saying that has proved to be true for me over and over goes “Holding resentment is like drinking a cup of poison yourself and hoping the other person dies from it.”I would be clear about any judgement or righteousness in my system so that they do not contract and wound my own heart. If there is contraction or judgement, that doesn’t mean I am wrong in any way for it being present. It’s just there, and I want to ease and transform any suffering from it. Here’s a suggestion that’s worked to help me release the sting of resentment.
Without condoning the actions, I recognize that this person has many struggles in their own life, just as we all do. Just as I do. I’m aware that they are a product of their conditioning. They are trying to be happy, just like me. Though they may be doing so in a confused and unskillful way, that is still a product of their conditioning. Ultimately, we may condemn the action, but we can never condemn the actor.
So when a person comes to mind who has acted harmfully, I hold them in my heart and say “As I wish to be happy, I know you wish to be happy. As I get confused, I know you get confused. As I make mistakes, I know you make mistakes. May the pain in my heart towards you release. May I be free and may you be free.” I repeat this and I’m open for any softening that might happen. I’m not forcing that. It will come if I am persistent and sincere. Initially it might make the pain feel more intense, but that is a result of the toxins coming out. If this person actually were free and happy, they wouldn’t be doing the unskillful things that cause strife. They might approach me out of compassion and look for healing. With enough repetition, the charge will dissipate and my system will have reinforced it’s potential to forgive and let go. I will have further matured and ripened. The suffering will have transformed into a deeper heart and greater freedom. Cool. I wish you the very best.
Thanks for your response. The situation is not something that consumes my mind or keeps me awake at night, yet when we cross paths, it certainly comes to the surface. I don’t feel I am holding judgements about him but rather understanding his make-up ,so that I may cultivate empathy (love). I will certainly hold compassion for him from a distance. Thank you.
I recently was introduced to a method of creating energetic closure that I found profoundly helpful. In essence , we can look at our energetic bodies as having leaks. Based on habits, unmet needs, ancient vows, etc.
There may be situations , people , even inanimate objects that leach our energy . Some of these entities may be very close to us, people we love and see every day. With these people it can be hard to imagine not pouring our energy into them or taking on their energy in an effort to unburden them . However , as an act of kindness and full embodiment of ourselves we can visualise these situations / people and close the window to them so that our energy no longer escapes in either direction . The language is important. We are not ” closing a door ” , or turning off from a situation . We are thinking of the gates as Windows which we can still see through and shutting them ‘on’ or ‘to’ a situation. You can visualise the person on your own or when you pass this person in the street , see a window between you and actively close the window to that person. Sometimes I find certain Windows creep open. You can close the window again and again as many times as necessary.
This Excerise has enabled me to remain open to myself while closing energetic leaks to others and has been really helpful with both periferal situations and very close ones. It may help.