How do I hold the pain of a very close family member not supporting me?

I have an event coming up that is really one of the very most important and meaningful of my life. A very close member of my family will not take the time to attend, and I feel rejected and unseen and just hurt. Perhaps they don’t know how important this has been for me, and how much I have wanted to share it with them. I’m not sure how to approach them, and I definitely need to take a breather and let the triggered energy die down.

How do I approach them? What is the opportunity here? Ouch.

3 Response(s)

What a difficult feeling to deal with! I hear your pain. Thank you for sharing it with the forum.

In my own life, I’ve found that those to whom we feel closest are often those whose actions can hurt the most.

You might consider this — so much of what occurs in our (and others’) lives results from innumerable causes. Some are easy to see, some are quite subtle, and others are hidden and will never be known by us. Part of the mystery here likely has to do with such causes. There may be causes at work here that have nothing to do with you.

Usually (if I can get beyond the triggers that come from earlier, unresolved hurts), I can see that lots of pain is all tied up with my sense of self. Often, it’s fear that my ‘self’ is being (or will be) judged  negatively by someone.  Sometimes that perception is true, sometimes it’s just my fear-based distortion of the actual circumstances. In all cases, it’s ultimately about Fear.

If the ‘other’ in the painful instance you describe is truly close, and they know how important the event is (be sure you’re not asking them to be a ‘mind reader’), then take a step back and ask:  What is the fear they have that could cause them to avoid the upcoming event? I’d bet that if your own fears and their fears can be put to rest, it won’t matter nearly as much whether they attend or not.

Ultimately, I’m convinced our Selves are, at heart, much more than our self-conceptions. Fear hurts. Love forgives.

May you both come to release any fear that impedes the opening of your hearts.

Responded on February 4, 2017.

Completely understand, and feel for you. I myself had some similar experiences in the past so you are not alone.

As painful as it is you feel in your heart, you have an incredible opportunity, right in your hands, to take this pain and completely transform it to compassion.

The more pain you feel, the greater the opportunity is. In a way, this is happening to you because you are a kind of person who can not only take the pain, but have an ability to take this as a medicine. This medicine is part of your event you are holding, treat everyone who comes to your event as your family members who are not showing up…….with your love, kindness and compassion. Now is the time to completely widen your heart to accept, hold everyone, family, non family members into your heart, as you do so, feel the pain completely transforming into compassion and love, that you really are! and pull out the forgiveness and shine shine shine with what you got to offer at your event.

In a way, your family is giving you this opportunity for you to take further widening of our heart. Thank your family members who are not showing up for this hidden gift.

They are showing you, exactly what you can work with to deepen your heart, which is part of the meaningfulness of your event. Families are there for the great pain and great love. It is up to us what we learn from them!

I sincerely and truly wish you the great success and heart warming, opening experience at your event. Your caring heart will be greatly appreciated at the event!!

Responded on February 5, 2017.

Hello dear,

I wanted to ask you and to see how your event went? I hope that you were able to shift and to be able to hold the event just the way you wanted!

Responded on February 10, 2017.